Yesterday, in a conversation, the other “party” said something to the effect of “opposites attract”. It’s certainly a common phrase, and a lot of people believe it to be true.
But it got me thinking. Which is always dangerous. 
I’m not going to tackle whether opposites do attract or not, but, instead, what does “opposites” mean in this context.
When you say that “opposites” attract, it seems that what comes to mind is a second person who is completely unlike the first. With me so far? Now, does “completely” mean completely? As in “completely unlike the first person in every respect”? Or just one, but a particularly strong one? Or a couple of them?
Let’s take myself as an example. What’s an “opposite” of myself? Is he/she a person who dislikes computers and technology? Someone who hates to think? Someone who doesn’t question anything he is told? Someone who has a perfectly tidy home? Someone who hates cats? Someone who loves commercial music and thinks heavy metal is “just noise”? Someone who hates reading? A soccer fanatic? A seafood lover? A conservative? A religious fanatic? A stubborn person who is incapable of changing his mind or admitting a mistake? A man who is obsessed with cars or motorcycles? An incredibly slow typist? A guy who spends all his free time watching TV? A person obsessed with fashion and looks? A collectivist who believes the competent have a duty to support the incompetent? A person who believes that a cell phone is “just for talking”?
Or does it take all of the above? That would certainly make an “anti-Pedro”. But is that what people mean by “opposite” in “opposites attract”? I don’t think so.
I guess that what they mean is just someone who is very different from the first person in a general way, or whose main trait is the opposite of his/hers.
Or maybe I really think too much about things.
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That’s a misleading title.
Opposites: People who don’t share the same interests, tastes, ideas, ideals; people who are as far as personalities are concerned quite different from each other. Or as you’ve summed it up:
someone who is very different from the first person in a general way, or whose main trait is the opposite of his/hers.
You and I for instance could be considered opposites because we are very different from each other in a general way.
As far as friendships are concerned I believe it is possible to have friends who are different from us, though the tendency will be to get along with those we think we are alike.
When it comes to a romantic relationship I believe that the attraction between opposites is a myth and the attempt of a relationship with someone very different from us will definitely lead to absolute chaos. Also I don’t believe we fall in love with people who are our opposites. As Ortega y Gasset says we find in others our own essence, therefore when we’re looking for a partner we look for someone who’s very simliar to us.
Well, I was restricting myself to the definition. But if you want to talk about whether it’s true or not, I’d say that we don’t really like people exactly like us - that would be monotonous, there would never be any surprise, anything new - any reason to talk to the person, since they would think the same about anything.
I guess we like people who “complete” us. But that’s very vague, of course.
I think a person “complete” us not because he / she is different from us but because of the feelings that are involved.
I didn’t mean just by being different, but by being different in the “right” way for us.
As to feelings, call me weird, but I believe feelings have causes. You may not think about it consciously, you may not be aware of it, but you fall in love with something (or things) in the other person. Their sense of humor, their intelligence, the way they make you feel alive, the special smile they have just for you, their passion for life, etc.. “Love without cause” is for teenagers :), or for when both people are so “low” that they can’t find anything to love in the other… and yet they are OK with it, because they know there’s nothing to love in themselves.
And yes, this is probably harsh. But I’m in a bad mood today. Still, I think what I wrote is true - I’d just have written it in a “nicer” way if I was feeling OK.
Hmm, I could expand this new subject as another article… but not today.
I believe feelings have causes too. And I remember very well having this conversation with you some while ago and telling you that we knew very well why we fell in love with someone and why we deliberately chose one person over the other and you said “No”. But, believe me, love is a choice.
I read this morning what I thought was an interesting metaphor for “opposites attract”. It talked about how it was like two people playing tug of war. They are pulling in opposite directions , but when it works it’s because at least they are pulling along the same line .
When the other peron is pulling you may actually be moving closer to them if you hold on or are you making the choice to let the rope slip between your hands and move farther away. Do you choose to be challenged in more, certain ways and continue to challenge along the same lines ? We would probably not play with someone who pulled at our core values when we know them (teenagers may not) to be solid, but being pulled at in other ways could be a joy. To me, examining how SEEMING opposites are actually the same on some level is one of the pleasures of life. Don’t get me wrong, some “opposites” you want to stay away from , some can be great in smaller doses, but when you see the right smile or get the right feeling, you know that you need to get closer. As a couple facing the world, four eyes seeing different things will benefit the the two people as long as they are telling the other person what they see differently for the PURPOSE of lifting both of them up. If they are not communicating or if two eyes are focused too much on the other person (in a good or bad way) I don’t think you get as far. I want to be one of the most important parts of your life, but I don’t want to literally be your whole life or be the same as you.