Being a part of society is a good thing, but sometimes people take it a little too far.
Case in point: apparently, a lot of people these days can’t conceive of someone being alone for a while by choice. They view being alone as a “social failure” - as if the only way to be alone at a particular time is if nobody in the world wanted your company.
This includes, but is not limited to, “romantic” company (or lack thereof).
I live alone, and have done so for several years now, so, while I enjoy any particular interesting company, I am quite used to be alone. And I am certainly not the only one.
But on more “social” occasions, such as a “night on the town”, even people who live alone seem to need some company - no matter how uninteresting, it appears. Several people have recently became shocked when I tell them that sometimes I go out at night alone. They reply with things like “oh, I’d never do that! how can you?”, or “you’re really weird!”, or “why didn’t you call so and so to go with you?”. They can’t imagine that, sometimes, I do like to be on my own (and I’d rather be alone than in lousy company, but that’s another story). Or, maybe, I would even have liked an interesting company, but none was available, and I went anyway, on my own, because I am able to have fun alone, because I enjoy the place for what it is.
Why are people so dependent on others? Why do they see being alone as a sign of failure?
I don’t have a definitive answer. Maybe, as a friend suggested, they don’t like themselves, so they need the company of others (no matter which others) to draw their own attention away from themselves. Maybe they look at themselves and are disgusted by what they see, and they need to be distracted. Maybe their “company” is in exactly the same situation, so it’s a bit like a symbiosis - both don’t have any self-esteem on their own, so each uses the other to fake some. And, apparently, it works.
I know I will never convince people like those of anything, but, to everyone else, being alone at a particular time isn’t a failure or a shame. Choosing to be alone at a particular situation doesn’t make you a “weirdo”. Indeed, it’s healthy to be on your own for a while, from time to time - it allows you to get to know yourself better (of course, that’s exactly what many people fear…). And being able to have fun, to enjoy a place you like while alone is a power - one which many people lack. It’s something to be proud of.
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Being alone as you said is good. It’s nice to spend time on our own. Do things alone and take pleasure on that, but have you ever thought that maybe people really enjoy other people’s company and they rather go out for a meal or for a walk with a friend in order to share that moment with them than not sharing it at all? It doesn’t necessarily mean that people are dependent on others it means that people take real pleasure at being with someone.
Ever heard the saying “No Man is an Island” ?
Trust me…. space (lots of it) is good.. really good, and healing.
Being alone…. it just ‘aint that great.
Cheers
Ever heard the saying “No Man is an Island” ?
Yup. John Donne, I believe.
Being alone…. it just ‘aint that great.
I guess it depends. I love the company of an interesting person or group. But I’d rather be alone than with a complete a**hole, or a bunch of them. And there are times where being alone, and doing something alone, is not the end of the world - but a lot of people think it is. They’re afraid, terrified of it. They view it as a sign of failure.
You can’t blame people of seeing being alone as a sign of failure I’m sure that you yourself have felt like that after your divorce.
Possibly. But I was young and foolish then (after all, I got married, didn’t I?).
Now you’re old and still foolish!
JOKING. 
You had a dream and fought for it, that’s what it is.
i completely agree..people are so afraid to be left in their own skin!
Oh goodness, finally someone who speaks my language!
I noticed that people give copious amounts of sympathy to ‘lonely’ people. The give so much, it’s almost as though they’re expecting the same in return should they, one day, find themselves being alone.
Being alone has been good for me. There’s no pressure for social commitment, no fear of social rejection, no conflict from social interactions. It’s a freedom that I have been appreciating for a long time, a freedom that most of the people around have failed to notice.
I don’t fancy having chains that I can’t see, or snap them off from me.
I can be a very social person and i do have many friends but the fact is i feel that sometimes we all need to be alone atleast for awhile.
even as earlier stated goin out to clubs or bars alone is not something i deem as odd. Actually i can find it quite fun to do so. It gives me time to reflect. However i also do things like observe things while alone. I love to meet new people and having a social life is important to happiness thats true but if you cant have fun on your own… whats the point. You dont NEED company nor is it bad to be alone for a period… long term can damage ur social skills and even emotional status though.
Hi,
`I have lived alone for over 10 years. sometimes I thought I would like to have roomates, but just having people around for the holidays let me know that after awhile, I appreciated the time alone. Like you said, it is a sense of power to know yourself and be comfortable in your own skin without always NEEDING someone around. I try to balance my aloneness with a social life outside my place of residence which I feel is healthy. I have the workplace that I go to everyday, plus friends and family, my church and then of course there is always the telephone - and mine always seems to be ringing with people calling and wanting something. Either I get calls to do something, buy something, go to some meeting, to give something, etc. So, with all the clamor and chatter going on around me, I appreciate being able to go to my little apartment. Do what I want, when I want, where I want. That is freedom. Freedom to reflect, to write, to sit in my garden, to sing, to dance, to read, to pray and praise, to meditate. Even the greatest man that ever lived had to have time alone, he couldn’t constantly be around people and be constantly giving without spending time alone in prayer with His Father to be renewed and refreshed and filled once again, that He might be able to continue giving of Himself to others. If the very Son of God, the Lord Jesus Christ had to go aside and away from people to spend time alone in meditation, how much more do us mortals need that kind of time in reflecting and meditation in order to live in today’s noisy high-stressed world? Some people are better able to handle that everyday stress of dealing with people constantly and infact they seem to thrive one it. However, there are some souls in this world who are by nature, just very deeply sensitive and need that meditative and reflective quality that only being alone can bring. Perhaps that power that you are talking about is really an inner source of strength that comes in reflective meditation that allows everything to become so crystal clear in your thinking that you can then begin to discover in your time of aloneness and reflective meditation that all the answers to lifes perplexities and challenges whether they be in relationships, business, finance, etc., are already inside you - you just have to be still, alone and quiet long enough in this noisy world to listen, that is where you will find that being alone brings to you that inner sense of strength and power, when you are able to find a balance in your aloneness that allows you to then go out and confidently share your life and your time back with others and have more fun and enjoyment in the process, because you are sharing from a position of inner strength!
i lost myself in a group of friends. took some time to realize i need a break. i just need to be alone for a while. no calls no texts no plans just me and life. it feels nice. i can finally think clearly. my head isnt clogged up with all the bull shit. i can get some perspective and control on me and my life. focus on me for a change. i find it odd that when you tell someone you need to focus on yourself for a change they tend to take it personal. i get that it seems selfish. but isnt it more selfish to try to help others when you cant even remember who you are? i noticed that when you forget about yourself and start focusing all your energy on others you become empty. you cant even think straight. i think more people should focus on there own struggles before they start to judge others. but then again it is highly of us to see our own flaws in others and give advice rather than take our own. i suppose its cause we tend to like being in denial thinking that we are stable when really we are not!? i dont know there could be many reasons as to why that is. i just feel that being alone and being with others is equal. we need both to survive. thats life lets all just enjoy it.
The need for time alone and time spent with others can be explained partially by personality traits: introverts require more alone time, and have lively internal lives; while extroverts need stimulation from their environments, like friends for instance to feel “re-charged”.
Now having said that, my personal preference it to do many things alone or with my partner. The larger the social group, the more uninteresting it becomes to me, as the need to compromise becomes an issue and the quality and intensity of social interaction diminishes (more small talk, indecisiveness over what to do and how to do it etc.)
I’ve travelled extensively alone and on working holidays and I’ve enjoyed meeting new people and have l earned tremendously about myself. Sometimes people are surprised that I’m “flying solo”, since I’m a woman!